How to Live Life Free of Stress with Rich Taylor

Does watching stress you out? Are you checking emails late at night? Find out what is causing you extra stress and learn to prevent it.
 
03:42 What is a stress switch and what are the examples of a stress switch?
07:54 Defining stress response and what it does to the body
11:32 Determining stress switches and how to deal with it
17:05 Tips on how to find out what stresses you
24:16 Practical tips for working people

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Transcript

Dr. Carrie Lam, MD: 0:05

Hi, I'm Dr. Carrie Lam. Welcome to The Dr. Lam Show today, I have Rich Taylor here with me. We are going to talk about how to live stress free and how to really enjoy life living free from stress. A lot of us work in a fast paced business and Rich himself has worked in advertising for over 40 years and discovered that, stress was his motivation and getting into deadlines, but they definitely had some negative side effects. He has discovered how to live stress free and started a movement to help people live their life stress free. He does have a podcast called the stress free diet. So we're happy to welcome you here on The Dr. Lam Show, Rich.

Rich Taylor: 0:54

Thank you Dr. Lam. It's a pleasure to be with you and it's a pleasure to be with somebody like minded as you.

Dr. Carrie Lam, MD: 1:00

Thank you. So why don't you just tell us, how your stress was and how you came to living your life stress free?

Rich Taylor: 1:09

Well, I remember when I went to art school a long time ago, we had an executive from an ad agency come in, because basically, graphic designers do a lot of advertising. He said, I need you guys to do this project. I didn't raise my hand, but a few of the brighter students did. And then they said, well, when do you need it? He said, yesterday! And it's always been like this in advertising. It's high paced and it's accepted. This has crept into mainstream lifestyles, as well, not just jobs. Whatever you do, or whatever your lifestyle is, everything's yesterday. It's just a day at home with your kids but it's yesterday with every other part of our life. So everyone's stressed out. People think that's just normal, because everyone's doing it. We know the effects of that is horrible and that's what we're gonna talk about today. For a long time, I perceived myself as an expert from all the failures I made. This is like the school of hard knocks learning I went through. I use stress as motivation and it's great to get you pumped up. But when you're in stress, the response is harmful for your body. Stress slows the rational part of the brain and pushes the emotional part of the brain, the amygdala, making you a robot on steroids. And you'll get it done, but you won't do your best work.

Dr. Carrie Lam, MD: 2:46

Right? And so I know you, you tend to say that over 80% of all visits to doctors are stress related, right? That's why a lot of people come to me. It does make sense to try to get rid of stress. But how do we actually get rid of stress?

Rich Taylor: 3:06

That's an excellent question. I work in the self help industry, where many potential clients ask me the same question. So we came up with this thing called a Stress Switch. It can be a person, a place or a thing that causes you stress. And we have a lot of these stress which is turned on in our life. The more you have turned on, the more stressed you're going to be. I'll give you a perfect example of a stress that is totally accepted and wrong. People watch the news, not just watch it, they binge watch it on their screens 24 hours a day. I'm old enough to remember back when there was 30 minutes of national news every night. That was it. The same 30 minutes of national news is now spread it out continuously, having two sides hating each other. So now you're emotionally engaged. People are not just watching tragic things, they're also yelling at the TV. That's how they engage you and make money, but it is horrendous for your stress. When we consider secondhand smoke, say parents are smoking in a home, we say how dangerous secondhand smoke is. Similarly, there is secondhand stress. The kids are growing up in homes with secondhand stress and they're going to be just like their parents, thinking it's normal to yell at television. So that's just one stress. Another one is disconnect from work. We can stay connected 24/7 with our phones and very few jobs will say, you've put enough hours in, take take the night off. They'll say what's next? What can you do for me next? So it's up to us to set those boundaries. We say at least 12 hours a day you should be disconnected from work, or even more. But start there. So that 12 hour period is your rest, digest and restore part. That's the part with no email from work, no text messages, no phone calls, and no work. That's your time to rest and repair because you become a better employee because of it. I mean, you can't burn the candle both ends. So here's the third one, which is really controversial. But we stand by it and I proved myself, is watching sports. Mostly men watch sports. They work all week, stressed. Then on Saturday, focus on other stuff at home, do stuff, soccer for the kids, shopping? Then on Sunday afternoon, the day before you go back to the stress and the work, you're yelling, sitting in front of the television, eating and drinking unhealthy foods, on the edge of your seat, totally stressed out. So, you're in a stress response for three to six or eight hours. So it's very controversial, but I don't want sports. I don't watch them anymore. For example, last year at the Tampa Bay Buccaneers led by Tom Brady won the Super Bowl. I did not watch one Buccaneer game live. What I did do was, afterward, watched the highlights on YouTube. I don't spend three hours sweating bullets in front of my TV, eating pizza. Okay. I know they won and I enjoy watching it 15 minutes and I'm done. It's great. So my life is stress free on Sunday afternoon, as I used to be always nervous about are they gonna win? Are they gonna lose? That's gone. I have friends who put the jersey on and if their team loses they are bummed out all week. They don't pay you to be bummed out if they did. Still wouldn't be worth it. Controversial. Yes. But does it work? Absolutely.

Dr. Carrie Lam, MD: 7:20

Yeah. So that's some good practical ways of dealing with stress. And just to take a few steps back on how stress really affects people. Can you give us some examples of that? Like, whether it's affecting physically or mentally or socially?

Rich Taylor: 7:42

First of all, let's talk about what stress is. It is really not stress, but a stress response. Our body has this automatic response kicked in. Just like if I were to go up to somebody and pretend to punch them in the face, they would react by jumping back. They're not going to think, okay, here comes the fist very quickly, I need to jump back. No, it's an automatic response for autonomic nervous system, It's a sympathetic response. And that is there to protect our lives. So if you're, like, come around the corner, and there's a big angry bear there, automatically, it's gonna kick in and have you fight, flight or freeze. We're only supposed to have that activated for no more than 30 to 60 seconds. Because during that time, either you got away, or you became lunch, or you or the person or the creature that was attacking you became lunch, or they got away. So basically, we're not supposed to be in a stress response for more than 60 seconds at a time. Most people are in a 24 hours a day, day in day out. So that's the stress response. And what is this or body? Well, it does wonderful things. If you're trying to run away from that bear, it gives you extra energy, gives you the adrenaline, it puts cortisol in your body to redistribute the glucose so that you have the energy in the right place. It does amazing things for 30 to 60 seconds. But our bodies can't tell the difference between running away from a bear or a saber toothed tiger or the boss yelling at us because we have an a deadline. Nobody can figure it out. So if you're in a stress response, every day, day after day, it's horrendous for your body. You have high cortisol levels, High cortisol levels lead to a host of issues. It suppresses our immune system. I remember when I graduated art school, I moved home to my parent's home in Connecticut and my dad had just taken this job as a manager of a major insurance company. My dad's a type A guy. He doesn't do anything in halves. Everything he does is 150% and he was in his early 50s. I remember him coming home every day saying I'm doing a job much younger man. It was very stressful. He turned that agency from rank 400 in the country to number 14 in two years. My dad was World War 2 veteran, he was tough. He knew how to get things done. But he was under so much stress, he ended up having not one but two serious cases of cancer. And he almost died. If it wasn't for him getting into Sloan Kettering and going through two massive surgeries, a whole year chemotherapy. He wouldn't ever actually, thank God, he lived to the ripe age of 94. We just lost him a couple years ago. But that would never happen, probably, if he wasn't under that stress.

Dr. Carrie Lam, MD: 10:42

Yeah, I like how you talk about the stress response, because that is definitely a term we use too, specifically the neuro endo metabolic stress response, Stress affects you and your whole body, not only just the sympathetic nervous system, but it can affect your gut, your inflammation, your immune system, your hormones. And so it's great to look at it in a whole comprehensive way. How would you say, this stress switch that you're talking about? Can you elaborate a little more on what people can do about it?

Rich Taylor: 11:20

First of all, you have to know that you have a problem, to know that the stress exists. A lot of people think sitting in front of a TV on a Sunday and yell is normal. Or all the other stressors we have, like staying connected to work, which they think is normal. So we wrote a book called stress free you. It's on Amazon. And in there we list 108 stress, which is very common ones that affects us. You have to first understand, what are my stress switches. It could be a toxic friend, a toxic friend could be a stress switch. Like, every time I'm with this person, they're just always pulling on me. always wanting something, I always feel worse. So you have to set up boundaries. So if that person is toxic for your health, and cause you stress, get to set boundaries. So each person I basically say, get a sheet of paper, and write down everything that stresses you out. Everyone is unique, not one person is the same. Some people may hate their job. Some people may love their job, but they hate their commute. Maybe they need to find a different way to commute. Maybe they hate their boss, or their boss stresses about. Maybe they need to speak up to their boss and set some boundaries. I had a job once where, I was an assistant art director, my boss was the art director, and the publisher of this magazine, would keep us here to one o'clock in the morning because we're a startup. And that's what startups do. After two weeks, I said, Carol, I'm gonna work like

crazy between 9-5: 12:52

30 and at 5:30, I'm leaving. She said you are? Yeah, and the publisher's office, he's a typical entrepreneur, right by the door, and can see everybody coming and going. And I left. And I kept to that schedule. And I probably still worked harder and more stressful than I needed to during that time. But that was my time. And I was on salary. They weren't paying me. And guess what, he bought his work a lot faster than waiting the one o'clock. He had no life, so he didn't care. So we had to set up boundaries with friends, with relatives, parents, and children. Every part of a life. If you got an issue with eating, if you're eating because of stress, don't try to go on a diet. Because 95% of all those diets are going to fail. Everyone listening to this podcast, has tried probably three or four diets. And most people have failed multiple times. So why do people fail? They're not unintelligent, they could read a diet book, they can look at it. But here's the thing, Dr. Lam. When you're in a stress response, your body is burning through glucose. And that's a primary source of fuel. And we're in a stress response, the brain already uses half of it, used another 12% more, I think you can correct me if I'm wrong. So you're it's like putting your foot on your accelerator in your car, when a car is in neutral. You're burning through gas like crazy. You're not going anywhere, but you're burning through gas. So when we have a stressful event, why do we crave cookies, ice cream, candies, all these refined carbohydrates or fast food with all the stuff that they put in it? We're not bad people. It's because we burn through all this glucose and our body's saying, give us glucose. And how would you feel go home and get some raw broccoli and some hummus without oil and eat that? It's just not gonna happen. It's just not gonna, maybe you should but it's not going.

Dr. Carrie Lam, MD: 14:51

Add celery cravings right here.

Rich Taylor: 14:54

We have some nice vegetable juice. So what I'm saying is don't go on a diet. Get rid of your stress first. Then you have a much better chance of succeeding on a diet. So the first of the year is coming up in a couple months. People will go on these diets, going to buy this exercise stuff, which will be a dinosaur in their bedroom, they'll be behind closed on a treadmill, and within a month, you know, they'll sign up for a gym membership. And they won't cancel the gym membership, because they'll feel guilty of canceling it. So even worse, A they're not going and B, they are paying, which causes more stress. Don't start any exercise program, don't start a diet until you get rid of the stress or vastly reduce it. Now the stress relief and stress prevention. You can do all the stress relief in the world, deep breathing, the yoga, even exercise, walking, all great stuff. But for most people in the Western civilized world, if you want to call it that way. And I use the word civilized with air quotes, because Are we really civilized with what we're doing ourselves. I think people in primitive areas are a lot smarter. When you look at the blue zones around the world like Okinawa, and Sardinia where these people live, happy, relaxed lives and live well over 100, because there's no stress.

Dr. Carrie Lam, MD: 16:21

They can set the boundaries, you know, and love their life. So I like the practical tips. Even if you love something, that doesn't mean that it's not stressful, right? Just like the example that you gave about sports, some people love to watch it, or they think that they love to watch it. But they don't actually know that it's really stressing them out. Any other practical tips that people can use to find out what their stressors are, because some of these things you don't really think about?

Rich Taylor: 16:51

I would have to say, it's a unique thing for everybody. We wrote a book but if you don't want to get the book, just very simply get a sheet of paper and write down everything. And you may want to have your spouse or your partner or a friend fill it in. I have a friend of mine that's very stressed out, and I said to him, Mike, you're really stressed out. He said I'm not stressed out. I mean, I can tell he really is just because I used to be all the time. So I would say write them down and then have someone else add to it. Because they're witnessing you. Everybody's different. Some people have a lot of emotional problems that they never dealt with. The stress adds as a trigger to those emotional problems. So they go to counseling, think they're going to solve the emotional problems. But as long as they're stressed, it's like, if someone's got a cut or bruise, and every time they rub it, it gets rubbed raw. Well, it's not going to fix the problem, you have to heal from that emotional issue. But as long as you're stressed, it's not going to help, if that makes sense.

Dr. Carrie Lam, MD: 18:03

So how would you talk to someone who has relationship stress, and they don't know how to get out of it, whether the relationship itself is very stressful or their environment?

Rich Taylor: 18:15

I would say, unfortunately, when people are in a state of chronic stress, and you get all the anxiety comes with it, and that's a lot of personality issues, just because people are anxious. But there's a growing trend in this country of narcissism. And it's not because they're bad people. But when somebody is in a stress response, they're in a survival mode. For example if you got a bunch of highly educated professional people in a theater, watching the opera and all sudden they smell smoke and someone yells fire. Those people are gonna have one thing in their mind. I don't care if you're wearing a tuxedo or jewels get out that door. We know it's sad but people trampled people just to get out because our will survive is so well in bred our life. If you jump in water, it's not before a few seconds underwater, you're going to want to go up and get air. I mean, so are will to survive. But what happens is if you're constantly in the will to survive, then it actually turns you into someone who's self centered. Somewhat hedonistic, because they're always looking for the pleasure to relieve their go to when they're stressed. But on a continual basis, it brings him into being a narcissist. I'm not a scientist, so I'm not but basically narcissists are looking out only for themselves. They lie just to get what they need to do. If you said to someone, if your life depended on it, would you lie? They might say yes, because the stakes are so high. When someone has a chronic stress response all the time, they become narcissistic. They're going to do whatever which is horrible for relationships. I remember because I'm old enough. I can go talk to someone and ask me advice and they might say, that's something to think about and I think that makes sense. Now, when someone asked me for advice, I give advice, they totally ignore it, or they do the opposite thing. So parents are now raising kids that are like this. Parents are the same way. You have families where, it used to be when I grew up, my dad would say, if you do this, if you speed, you can get a ticket, or have an accident, these bad things happen. Now, my generation would teach their kids with fear as the response. So if you do something, a bad thing happens. And that works in the rational realm. But people in the emotional realm are in a stress response. So now these kids are all stressed out, because their parents are stressed out, because the first generation really, when they saw both parents working all the time. And family life changed dramatically. So now, they're really rebelling against what your parents did. So that's why you know, 30 years old just is the new 21 for a lot of millenials. It really is. And I don't know how many millennials I've run into, and I've got kids that are in their 30s. My generations treasure is treasure like money, finances. Millennials, treasure is pleasure. They want to work so they can have the money to have fun. My generation worked to have the money so we could someday have fun.

Dr. Carrie Lam, MD: 21:29

So true, I get it.

Rich Taylor: 21:32

It's like someone once said Americans have this can do attitude. Get all you can so you can can all you get so that some day you can sit on your can.

Dr. Carrie Lam, MD: 21:44

Then when you have that type of attitude, the stress never stops, right? Because you're always aiming for something that you will never get. Because you're never satisfied.

Rich Taylor: 21:57

You're right. That is Nelson Rockefeller, famous, wealthy person. They once asked him how much was enough money. He said, always another dollar. Money will never bring happiness. I have chased the dollar for years. I mean, I've worked in this business for a long time. I've sacrificed time, my family, just to make a client happy. And that's okay for certain times, but I didn't have boundaries. I did not have healthy boundaries. And you only have a certain time with your kids specially when your kids are young. Looking back, I'm in my mid 60s, I would say the most two most important things in life is to have people around you that you love that love you. Okay, and have a good healthy body and mind. All the other things, I would say the money, the prestige, the big house, are relatively low on the totem pole of priorities. You could take somebody who has very little, but the people around them love them. And they love those people and have no stress in their life. And they have their health. They've got 99% of what life's about.

Dr. Carrie Lam, MD: 23:07

Yeah, you're right. And we all need to hear it. People who are successful, people are not successful, people who are tired and sick and stressed or not stressed. We always need that reminder to keep your loved ones close by and to not let the world get to you. Even me as a young doctor, opening my own practice, is definitely is hard to get those boundaries. And to choose to spend time with my baby. We have that guilt, like I should be working, but I should also be spending time with my newborn. So it definitely is a balance. So what other practical tips for working people?

Rich Taylor: 24:04

I've worked out in my home for the last 20 years. So I understand the whole virtual thing really well. A lot of people during COVID, you know, been transitioned to that and didn't know. So I know what it's like to work remotely. And I treat every day I get up, I get ready, take a shower, put on clean clothes, I don't work in my pajamas. So I always approached it like professional. Almost like if a client were to come over. But I think like I said I literally would go through a period where I would work from seven in the morning till I literally couldn't see anymore on the computer screen. I would do that six days a week. And then on Sunday we go to church and then we do the family stuff and I'd be back on a Monday. I did it for nine months because I had a lot of work as a graphic designer. I made a lot of money but I had all these physical ailments. I had knots in my back, neck problems, eye problems, headaches. And that was the time my kids were young. I can't get that back. This is what I will say, when your kids are young and in those impressionable areas. I'm saying this from someone who did it the wrong way. That is the most important time of their life. When they're older and are more independent. That's a different story. My wife is a RN. She used to work nights and weekends. So there was always one of us home, I'll be Mr. mom when she was working. But even though there was always one of us, it wasn't great family life. Looking back, I would have been more brutal and say, look, you're not gonna work for three years, or five years or whatever. Or I'll take it off or something like that. I'm not always putting it on the women or the women are very nurturing. It all depends on each situation. And some people can some parents can do it really well. Some parents are really cool, and can handle that. They can juggle it. And I think because they have a really solid relationship, and they know who they are. And I think that can work. But if you got people that have a lot of baggage from when they're young, from their families, and already have a lot of weak links, and you bring stress into it, it's going to exasperate a thing. And you may think you're making an extra 2 or $3,000, now. But when they're older, that could be 20 to $200,000, fixing problems. I've experienced that in real life. I literally have written some checks recently for 1000s of dollars fixing problems that could have been fixed for five minutes of time. That is wisdom. Yeah, unfortunately, I have to be honest.

Dr. Carrie Lam, MD: 26:55

Thank you, I think we definitely need a hearing. It's been great talking to you about living, how to enjoy life, living free from stress. Is there anything else you'd like our listeners and watchers to know?

Rich Taylor: 27:12

Just know that, you were born to live a life of love, joy, peace and a sound mind. That's how we were designed. So if you're stressed out, you're not lining up with the way you were designed. We were not designed to be in a stress response, for 99.9% of time. We're rest, digest and restore, you know, the parasympathetic. That's how we were designed to be in. So if you're not in that, you need to evaluate your life. You can live stressed out and live to 100, but it's not likely gonna be and you wouldn't be happy. A stressed out person is never happy, because they're always going to the next thing to make them their go to. It's like the saying goes is the going gets tough, the tough go shopping. There's always be some sort of pleasure. Let's go on this uber vacation that costs $10,000. Let's do it, you're going to do it, you'll enjoy it. But you're coming back to stress. So it's just a temporary Band Aid approach. So Dr. Lam, I give you all the credit for looking at the whole person from the whole approach, not just here's some pills and see you later type thing. We need many more of you. And what you guys are doing is phenomenal. So kudos to you.

Dr. Carrie Lam, MD: 28:36

You too Rich. Thank you. So where can people find you?

Rich Taylor: 28:39

StressFreeDiet.com. I also have two books on Amazon, one's called Stress Free You and one's called Stress Free Work.

Dr. Carrie Lam, MD: 28:49

That's great. Thank you so much as we talked about how to enjoy life living free from stress with some practical tips from Rich Taylor. We hope that you liked it so make sure you subscribe and like our video and our channel and we will see you next week on The Dr. Lam Show.

Unknown: 29:13

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